Living Death

11/20/2009

Literature | Christine Schaffner

 

Living death

 

 

 

Tender Sleep

 

Tender sleep,

Undisturbed rest.

Tranquil and quiet.

Screams pierce the night.

Invisible hands clawing at you.

Your body covered in ice-numbing sweat,

You can't move.

A hot searing blade rips through your inner core.

You see their face looming over yours

With a grotesque smile of gratification.

You scream at them to stop.

But no words come.

It seems like an eternity.

You wake up,

Your face soaked with tears,

Not wanting to sleep again.

The terror haunts you again.

 

 

 

 

Birth Pains

 

A baby, so small and fragile, so innocent.

Holding them the first time, knowing the amazement of life itself.

They grow older.

From learning to talk to school books.

Watching them smile, laugh and play.

Things change. They stare at you.

Their eyes, an expression you have never known before.

They say you are crazy,

They don’t have to listen to you they say.

Grandma told them so.

All those you love they want to kill.

Your youngest laughs says he wants to see you bleed.

They try to kill the one you love.

They want to kill you they say.

Your own children.

The ones you gave birth to.

Law says either send them away or prison for them.

Children.

They say they are crazy.

Their minds f'd up by grandma.

Only way they can live and get help is to be sent away.

You send them away.

To Never to see them again.

To give them a second chance at life.

Birth pains a second time.

This time you don’t forget.

Slices through your heart, ripping it in two.

 

 

 

 

First Love vs. True Love

 

First loves are special.

Some are forever.

The majority is not.

When the real thing comes you want it to be forever.

Past relationships have no place in the current one.

Especially the real one.

Love makes you smile.

It also can hurt.

To love someone is to hand them your heart trusting them not to trample it.

But you also must do the same.

Don't let anything destroy it.

 

 

Your Choice

 

A past full of betrayal doesn’t have to reach in the future.

Everything changes.

The past is a part of you.

But you are not the past.

There is more to life than that.

You can't change the past.

Only learn from it.

Let it make you stronger, not destroy you.

Don't use it to judge others.

It is yours alone, only you can deal with it.

 

Past Hurts

 

One doesn't make two, because it takes two to tango.

Three is definitely a crowd.

True friends are special.

But they don't define what is between two.

Don't judge the one you love by your past hurts.

They had nothing to do with it.

For you to deal with it yourself.

Don't be suspicious or destroy your trust just because you were hurt before.

Do that and you are only letting the past rule you.

It’s over.

Your future depends on it.

Is why it’s called the past, not the future.

Want to love the one in your life?

Then let the past go.

Do You Dare?

 

A delicate balance.

To love but not smother.

To understand but not patronize.

To be close but to know when to give space.

To accept them strengths, faults and all.

To know their past but not push to have to know everything.

To want to share your life with them.

But remember to leave the past in the past, where it belongs.

Don't let it poison the future.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Motherhood

 

Staring at you through jail bars. Seeing your face plastered all over the local newspaper. You use to be my best friend. Endless hours time together sewing, laughing at random senseless jokes. It’s gone. You became someone I didn't know. Anything you saw you had to have. It didn't matter what the cost or who was hurt. When I needed you the most, all you did was tell me it was my fault and sent me to my room. You didn't take the time to notice my clothes had been torn, or how I was. After that all I was told was I had to take care of everything by myself. The courts made me your babysitter. I used the money I had saved up for med school to bail you out of jail. I took care of a lot of things you messed up. All you could do was keep getting in trouble, calling me every name in the book. Telling me it was my fault you were in trouble all the time. Telling me I had to fix everything, take care of the house and help with the bills. Raise my younger siblings cause you had no time for them.

Besides keeping a constant watch over you. Mom I was only 18. What else was I to do? The years rolled on. You never changed. Blamed me for you going to prison. It became your personal vendetta to destroy me and everything I loved. You helped ruin my first marriage. Turned my children against me. Ruined my financial standing by using my name. What did I ever do to you to deserve all of that? You even wanted me dead. You said so in the middle of court. Mothers don't do these things to their kids. What happened to nurturing and protecting? How do you do that without going overboard? Funny you died while in surgery. I was told you were in the process of going back to prison again. The one I miss went away the first time you went to jail. My mom died then.

 

 

 

 

 

Trust

 

My life is yours, as is my heart and soul.

I know you will never do me wrong.

Your friends are dear to you,

I know no one will come between you and me.

When you need time alone,

I know there will be time for us later on.

Trust is complete.

Love makes it strong.

 

 

The Secret to Life

 

What would you do for love?

Would you let it go to see if it was yours to begin with?

Or would you hold on tight and wind up being wrong in the end?

What part of it matters in the end?

If it’s meant to be, it'll come back.

If it wasn't, it never was to begin with.

 

 

 

 

 

How Do You Value Life?

 

How much do you value life?

Would you risk everything for it or be afraid to take that chance?

The unknown and possible regrets would plague you to insanity,

Cause you'll never know unless you do.

Worrying will only bog you down.

So will pain and bitterness.

It'll stop you dead in your tracks and you'll never live till you let go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Be Afraid

 

Some things will not go the way you want.

But you have to be willing to risk pain and heartache.

In the end it’s worth it.

If you love someone more than life itself and they aren't happy, you'll let them go.

If they aren't meant to be yours, then you will learn to love from a distance.

It doesn't mean you love them any less, but actually more.

Cause true love is not selfish or jealous.

There is a beauty in that only a few know, because they aren't afraid of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How You Can Be

 

Whether the one they think of is their heart's desire, or their children.

It makes your character stronger and richer.

People will notice how loving you can be and wonder why.

But only your heart will know the answer to that.

It is what will give you strength and whether you are alone or not,

You will never be lonely because there is no place in your heart for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make It Grow

 

With the one you love it will grow deeper and richer, no strings attached.

Whether you are friends or more.

There will be no room in your heart to feel any betrayal or heartache, because it won't exist.

But the key is letting the pain go and become love instead.

It’s how you make a crushed rose grow, bloom and flourish forever.

 

 

 

It’s Worth It

 

Pain can nourish love if you let it.

The result is life beginning all over again.

The past goes away to never haunt you again.

Want to learn how to live and survive?

Then learn this.

It isn't easy, not by any means.

But it is worth it, everything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Strength

 

The beating of a heart knows pain as well as love.

Its iridescent wings stretch forth to fly.

Feathers missing and bent.

But glistening in the sun's rays like an uncut diamond.

Slivers shorn off with each cut.

But still its beauty shines more brilliant than before.

Some call it the heart of a fallen angel.

It won't die.

Beats on, still soaring on wind in the sun.

Its pain makes it stronger.

More brilliant hues.

Love keeps it together.

Hope makes it soar.

The heart of a fallen angel lives on to love and hope in life.

Its pain becomes its strength.

More radiant and steadfast than before.

 

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